The Road to College Admissions: Whose Journey is This Anyway?

Last year, a young man came to us at Wow Writing Workshop to edit his college essay. The story was about rowing, and how it focused him, but one detail didn't quite fit with the rest of his story. The out-of-place detail: the rower compared himself to a squirrel.

Aside from the squirrel reference, the student was off to a great start. His essay was clear and specific and it told an important story about him. We encouraged him to cut the part about the squirrel.

When we discovered that the clever squirrel reference had been his dad’s idea, we were not surprised. We see it all the time: Parents get their hands on their children’s college essays, and they start trying to fix them. Mom adds a little here, Dad cuts a little there, all in the name of love and literary improvement. This technique never works.

It's prime time for anxious parents engaged in the college application process with their children. Our message to those of you biting your fingernails at this stressful time: Hands off! This is your child’s journey, not yours.

Sure, you still pay the bills, and you can make sure your kids meet the important deadlines. For the most part, however, students should complete their applications on their own, particularly when it comes to their essays.

You might be thinking, How can I expect a kid who can't remember to put gas in the car to manage the application process? Good question, but we still recommend taking a step back.

What if your daughter wants to write about Dr. Seuss? Is that an acceptable subject for an application essay? Absolutely.  It is a great subject if she has a great story to tell.

What if your son’s writing sounds immature? What’s wrong with a little help during revision? Everything. He is supposed to sound like a 17-year-old. Those who read the essays can tell the difference between a teen voice and an adult voice. Your words don’t belong in his essay.

We all want our children to succeed; college is critically important. But the truth is, you should not heavily edit your child’s application essays, and you most definitely should not write them.

So how can parents be helpful without crossing the line?

• Offer encouragement. No one knows your child better than you. Encourage your daughter to express herself in her own voice, in her own words. Yes, she really can do this, and she can do it well.

• Be realistic. An essay should be well-written, but it should sound like it was composed by a high school student. Admissions officers can tell the difference between a heartfelt, well-crafted essay and a submission that is so highly-polished it sounds flat.

• Get a head start. For many students, the essay is the hardest part of the college application process. The fall of senior year is a stressful, exciting time, not necessarily the best environment for students to sit quietly and write about themselves. Start in the summer, as soon as the essay prompts become available.

• Read, but don’t criticize. Read drafts and offer your opinion, but don’t go too far. Ask clarifying questions. Engage in a conversation with your child to figure out what he is trying to say about himself. Save the editor’s pencil for misspelled words and grammatical errors.

No matter what the prompt, a college essay is not about a job, a vacation, an illness, a book or an influential person; it is about the student – what he or she learned, gained or realized as a result of the experience. As a parent, you can help the most by keeping your child focused on the essay’s purpose.

It can be hard for kids to write about themselves, especially when it really matters. Done right, completing a college essay should leave students feeling empowered, confident in their own abilities and certain of their words.

And please, don’t suggest that your child compare himself to a squirrel. Save that bit of cleverness for your own piece of prose.