Surviving the Party Season: 10 Tips for Parents

Editor's note: This story is part of a regional Patch series about safety during the graduation party season. to read more stories in the series.

Alcohol-related car accidents are among the leading cause of death for teens, and during graduation season the rates of accidents and deaths peak. With parental knowledge and vigilance, though, the risk of tragedy can be reduced, experts and educators say.

"Too often, this celebration can lead to a lifetime of grief for family members when a loved one drinks and drives," read a letter distributed to parents by the Tri-Community Coalition, a nonprofit that works to help students in the make healthy decisions. "Your loved one may be in a vehicle driven by someone who has been drinking and involved in a serious or fatal accident or some other senseless alcohol related accident."  

Studies highlight the disconnect between parents’ perceptions and the harsh reality of what goes on at teenage parties. Consider these statistics:

• 99 percent of parents recently surveyed by Columbia University’s National Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse said they would not be willing to serve alcohol at their teens' parties. But that same survey showed 28 percent of teen partygoers have been to parties at a home where parents were present and teens were drinking.
• 80 percent of parents believe that neither alcohol nor marijuana is usually available at parties their teens attend. But 50 percent of teen partygoers report attending parties where alcohol, drugs or both are available.

There are several ways to prevent a party’s vibe (whether hosting or attending) from going from ecstatic to traumatic. Alcohol- and drug-related problems can be avoided, say experts, if you know what to look for and how to minimize these temptations.

"Our advice to parents is to keep that good information and communication flowing to the kids and make sure to always be a good role model — they are watching," Tri-Community Coalition Executive Director Judy Rubin wrote in a message to Berkley Patch.

Here are some more ideas to help ensure the teens in your life have a safe graduation season.

1. Provide plenty of entertainment

Providing  lots of things to do and plenty of games at a graduation party can serve to  keep attendees entertained and busy. Consider trampolines, volleyball and dancing and music.

Clawson Mayor Penny Luebs, who has five children ranging in age from 11 to 38, has hosted her share of graduation parties. Four of her five kids have graduated from .

“I had a trampoline, a volleyball net and horseshoes, which provided the entertainment, so all went well,” Luebs said.

2. Establish rules and expectations beforehand

 “Talk to your child and their friends about the ground rules,” Clawson’s Luebs said, “and supervise the party area.” Her mother and various friends provided extra sets of eyes, ears and hands at her parties.

3. Make it invitation-only

Troy High School Principal Mark Dziatczak can’t say enough about the party invitation. “Ensure that graduation parties are invitation-only,” said Dziatczak. “Open parties without invitation lists can cause problems because anyone can attend. You may not know who is at an event.”

Dziatczak said parents need to play a big role with the invitations. “It’s a parent’s responsibility,” he said.

This summer,    parent Laurie Farr is looking forward to hosting a graduation party for her son. “He’s posting it on a private Facebook page,” she explained, emphasizing the word private. “You can set that up so only the people you invite can look at it.” 

Farr has been vigilant over the years and knows all of her son’s friends and invitees, so doesn’t expect any mysterious surprises. “My son and I went over the list together, and I highly recommend that,” she said.

4. Monitor and be vigilant throughout the party

“If you are hosting a party, you have to monitor all that goes on,” added Nancy Morrison, the new director of the Troy Community Coalition for the Prevention of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, a nonprofit organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for all who live or work in Troy by promoting a lifestyle free from the abuse of alcohol and drugs.

“Ask relatives, neighbors and other trustworthy adults to help monitor activities,” suggested Morrison, a Rochester Hills resident.

5. Do not allow teens to come and go

The BBCC’s Mastroianni said that teens who leave should not be allowed back into a party. And if they say they need to to “get something” from the car? Go with them, she suggests.

6. Consider an alcohol-free party, even for adults

Although alcohol is served at many graduation parties to legal-age attendees, Troy High’s Dziatczak said it’s best to keep the parties alcohol-free. “An alcohol-free party will help with regard to any substance issues,” he said. “Illegal drinking is less likely to happen if there is no supply.”

Mastroianni agrees. “If you have alcohol in your home, put it away in a secure location where it is not visible and is not accessible to guests,” she said. (That goes for over-the-counter and prescription medicines, too).

7. If there is alcohol, monitor it

If you do plan to serve alcohol to legal-age guests, it needs to be monitored appropriately, Dziatczak said. In that case Troy parent Mary Wunderlich suggests appointing an adult to watch/serve the alcohol.

“It works best if you hire someone to do this,” said Wunderlich, who has four children ranging in age from 15 to 21. “It’s a very worthwhile expense.”

8. Watch for signs of drug use

Besides alcohol, Morrison said to be on the look out for not only marijuana but also synthetic marijuana called K2.

“Kids are smoking it; it’s a hallucinogenic and is for sale in some gas stations and other stores,” she said. “The Troy community is proactive. We have volunteers out there. One of them spotted K2 on the shelf in a gas station and told the owner that he wasn’t going to go to the gas station any longer as long as that was on the shelf. So they got rid of it.”

9. Watch for signs of alcohol or drugs

The effects of alcohol or drugs vary depending on the individual, said Rochester Hills-based Abaris Behavioral Health’s Dr. Paul Smith. "Some quiet or shy teens become markedly more talkative and outgoing," Smith said. "Some teens become uninhibited or rowdy.

"Some teens, trying to hide use of intoxication, may remain at a distance or out of sight from adult hosts. Some may come and go multiple times during a party.  Some drugs cause drowsiness or sedation, dilation of pupils, change in breathing, increased or marked hyperactivity, restlessness, and or change in rate of speech.”

Be aware of any behavior that seems out of the ordinary.

And, Clawson Mayor Penny Luebs said,  be prepared to call parents of under-age guests if they appear to be under the influence or bring alcohol to the party.

10. End parties at a reasonable time

“The later the events go, the more likely it is that problems could occur," Dziatczak said.